I have been thinking about romantic ideals and how we apply them to real people. In my own relationship, I am at a point of discarding whatever I thought I idealized, because those mental constructs just don’t feel … real .. anymore.

We’ve become so accustomed to a language that talks about what we are entitled to on the basis of our spiritual growth – couched in the language of the law of attraction, most often. Put a vibration out there and you’ll get the same/complement/mirror of it. That became a call for ‘ You be a Goddess, and you’ll attract a God’ or vice versa.

I think that the vibration of the words we use and the way we use them needs to change. To ‘respect’, to ‘deserve’, ‘honor’, to be entitled to – in the past, especially with my background in legislative research – that seemed okay. Now it just seems like the terms of a contract for goods and services bartered. And indeed, relationships – especially the ones that transform you in the deepest ways possible – are forms of energy exchange.

Now I understand where that came from – it grew out of a growing awareness of how women (in particular) are socially conditioned to behave as though they are co-dependent. They’re taught they can’t live without man, or that they can’t be their best so that they keep their men, etc. etc. And if you’re in this place, then this rhetoric is probably going to be one of those tools that you use to help you move into a different space, with respect to how you relate with others.

But at some point, to me at least, it has become a crutch in my spiritual growth and evolution, and capacity to love.

So what’s the alternative?

First – and this is going to sound weird given how strongly I believe in the Goddess and write about Her most of the time in some way or another, but it’s what feels true for me now, so here goes –

I feel we need to get past this need to see ourselves in term of ideal-types – be it King, Queen, God, Goddess, Multi-dimensional Light Being, etc. Why not just stick with Person, or Being?

Those of you who follow my work, you’ve probably noticed that I never refer to people as Goddesses or Queens – Priestess, yes. But even that was a label that I ultimately ended up moving away from as part of my name.

It’s not because people don’t embody X, Y, Z energy, but because I’d rather see them (and myself) as .. well .. Substance, Energy, Vibration, Spirit call it what you like. I behave differently to someone who calls themselves a Queen or High Priestess, I behaved differently when I had the title of Priestess as part of my name. Why?

Because Labels have power. And I see them, more and more, as tools which ultimately become crutches. The kinds that hold us down and prevent us from seeing ourselves as – Whatever the Heck We Are – .

And just as I apply that to myself more and more now – it’s also entering my relationships. Let’s try the following thought experiment – see how you respond to it (and it’s all cool, valid, fine whichever way you take it):

What if – I’m just a person.
And, what if I attract/am attracted by another person.
And maybe I’m not the best I could be in some areas, and maybe he isn’t either.
And maybe that’s enough.

Now I know that’s going to trigger a lot of people who’d say:

‘but oh, isn’t that settling for something less?
‘does that mean you’d accept an abusive/bad/unworthy/non-Male-God-on-Earth partner?’
‘don’t you know you’re a Goddess and you’re worth more, you deserve the best!’

I’ve been asked/have asked those questions on numerous occasions – but right now – they seem driven by fear.

What would you ask is the alternative – Faith?

Well yes.

But without conditions, without expectations and with complete acceptance.

That means no bargaining with the Universe. That means no telling the Gods/Law of Attraction – hey, I’m putting out awesomeness – bring me some of that! Or – I’m drawing in all that I need and magically manifesting goodness and abundance.

That means no rituals, no spells, no setting intentions of manifestation, no trying to deck the cards in your favour. No asking for something.

And that to me – my friends, is absolute surrender. That’s accepting ‘EVERYTHING’. Not just the cuddly stuff, not just the happy stuff.

It’s not about falling into a caretaker/codependent role, it’s not about putting up with domestic abuse, it’s not falling into or out of anything.

It’s calling for much more awareness of self, and my fully embodied presence than ever known or felt.

And really I can’t put it into words.

My brother was asking me (paraphrased) – well – do you still have a boundary by which you would define yourself essence, your self. What would you do if it was not honored?

I couldn’t answer the question.

Now for a woman who is used to the rights/entitlements/legalistic rhetoric, and has spent much of her life fighting what she believes she’s worth, never willing to accept a shred of anything that would question her integrity/dignity/power/ etc… it’s a strange space to be in.

But yesterday, Something Shifted.

A Threshold was Crossed. And I’m not turning back.

I haven’t lost any of that, but they don’t look like the old boundaries, the old weapons, the pedestals of self-righteous anger and defensiveness. Love doesn’t look like it should be a legal contract or a barely veiled threat to come and dance with the Goddess on the Battlefield if you fail to comply.

Something new is coming in.

When I can better put that into words, I’ll let you know.


Bairavee Balasubramaniam

Image: Chlosyne lacinia.jpg, Public Domain via Wikimedia Commons


  1. Thank you thank you thank you! This is so incredibly timely for me!
    I was only introduced to you a couple of weeks ago, and I have been so blessed by your words and vulnerability.

    Blessings, fellow Being!


  2. Reblogged this on nosillanunchuk and commented:
    This was so timely for me. I am so fed up with most of the entitled “Law of Attraction” bullshit and at the same time so incredibly fed up with my OWN bullshit, that when I read this, it’s like she wrote it just for me. How’s that for ego?! Anywho, I really resonated with her idea of surrendering to all of it. To what IS. Cars break down, our partners and family can’t truly see us, we are constantly asked to redefine boundaries, but to what end? As my partner so frequently reminds me, I must take life on life’s terms. Hope you enjoy the read as much as I did. Blessings on your journey to surrender.


  3. Yes, I can identify with that, even though it’s taken me 68yrs to discover it. One definition of love I took on board many years ago is ‘to lower your boundaries to nurture’ ..self & others. And of late, too, more & more, loving the ‘glorious mess’ that is me & you. I think the poem by Khalil Gibran, ‘The Prophet’ illustrates this very well. Loving another means finding the courage to look at who the beloved really is & daring to show them your reality.


  4. Yes, yes, yes! I have been thinking about these things lately. Seeing myself as just a person who is doing the best that I can in whatever situation I am in, not exceptionally special, yet still special as all beings are. Knowing that even though I fail daily I did the best I could. Trying to surrender to things as they come and trying not to pray for my desires but instead being grateful for what I have. Somehow that will actually manifest my hopes, as long as I don’t hang on too tight. I have always been someone who prays and prays for things to happen but lately I have started thinking how there was something off in that way of seeing God/ the universe/ everything =)

    I signed up for your listserv recently and I feel like I can relate to a lot of what you write, while completely not understanding it! I’m not very familiar with Goddess culture or anything more than basic astrology. All this is new to me. The concepts you talk about are hard to grasp yet somehow make sense to my spirit. Thank you for sharing!


  5. Yes dear Bairavee
    It’s such a personalized developmental process ..that is for sure. We each let go of attachments/confinements as our own process dictates.. And as our own Soul massages our multidimensionality❤️.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hello love x Absolutely. Masculine and Feminine are archetypes, and they’re not correlated to the sex or sexual preferences of birth. Even in homosexual partnerships, there is the balance of Yin/Yang 🙂 Ultimately, my take on it is that the Divine is Formless … and that all these are just heuristic tools for understanding anyway 😉 Hope that answers your question xxx



  6. Yes!!! You just put into words what I have felt for a very long time!! I knew it was right, the feeling, I just couldn’t put it into words and my human self had slight worry…. was I feeling wrong? It’s different from what people have taught me. It’s so refreshing to hear it from another and it warms my heart to hear it from you. As I was reading your message I got confirmation chills which was a nice extra validation from Spirit! I have been feeling something I wanted to share with you. Please know this is true deep feelings and comes from my soul with no strings attached etc. I just need to speak the pureness that comes from my heart and soul. I feel a kinship or sisterhood with you, a soul connection if you will. I feel that you and I are in each others lives and it is for profound reasons that I am not sure of yet but when I focus in on the feeling its powerful and true and strong. I feel like we will at the very least have conversations that help each if us grow in leaps and bounds. I also feel like we will meet in person at some point. I am open to whatever the Divine plan is. I just felt I was to share that with you. You don’t have to respond but if you feel guided to I would love to listen. Have a glorious day/evening and again, thank you for putting that into words 💖 Love Marie

    Sent via the Samsung Galaxy S® 6, an AT&T 4G LTE smartphone


  7. I love this post. As a legal researcher (!) I can get very hung up on terms and definitions. I’m also in the process of accepting my imperfect partner and my imperfect self. This post is getting bookmarked for future reference. Thank you ❤


  8. Great article, Bairavee. Yes, something different is coming in. I resonate totally with what you are saying. To me, it seems those ‘contracts’ are just like any religious trapping, i.e. it is a way to get out of making choices on a moment to moment basis because we’ve got a special ‘spell’ or whatever protecting us. Its not about being protected, but being vulnerable, and then we make the best choices for ourselves as things transpire. I am also negotiating different thoughts along these lines. Thanks for your input.


  9. I have just read you this is maybe twice thru. I live in Iowa. When a child (I am 65), I saw in a dream what I thought was a monster. I tried to wake myself up clawing at my eyes. Later when studying; I ran across the Hindu’s and saw my nightmare it was kali. I know my Dark Mother is with me and with this world . However I have had many tragedies, even when my mother died I thought I hated her etc.,. LOVE me, love my mother (my own earthly mother I now see as a part of Kali), This confusion I feel which you seem to tap into with this man in my life (relationships) will clear itself- thank you.

    Liked by 1 person

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