Fatal Attractions: Cycles of Pain and the Karmic Choices we Make



You were sacrificed before. Maybe many times.
Your soul got used to it, Maybe you thought it was ´normal´.
You´re trying to do it again.

Short, but an answer that has deep resonance, especially for those who resonate with the archetype of the sacrificial virgin / priestess. Unpack it a little more, and you find your own reasons.

In this context, ´normal´ doesn´t mean good, bad, desirable, healthy, unhealthy, hateable – it just means that you got used to a certain vibration. And internalized it. Perhaps it´s a fixation to break through it, perhaps it´s a conviction that it´s true, or good. Perhaps it´s a need to understand it.

Whatever it is, it´s an attachment to a particular experience. And the soul attracts people, events and opportunities to once again re-live it.

Truly, it´s an argument you can make for any type of karmic lesson that keeps appearing in life. Sometimes it may seem like an unlucky streak ´this always happens to me´ .. i always end up with that kind of person ´, or really, anything that you just find yourself pulled towards without reason or explanation, as though by magic. Sometimes it´s a nice kind of pull, but more often than not – it tends to reflect what we see as our wounds, weaknesses, vulnerabilities.

Karmic attachments are things that exert a powerful pull on our psyches as we seek to understand the why and wherefores behind them. We subconsciously choose these experiences in a bid to gain a more complete experience. Ultimately, to transcend the need to experience it entirely (so the theory says).

These choices we make, which we mystify as ´karma´ , are buried in the subconscious. That doesn´t mean they are beyond our ability to understand and ultimately move past.

It´s time to stop mystifying and romanticizing choices that lead us unto paths of pain as being somehow fated, destined and/or sacred. Or simply things that we cannot change in ourselves.

Whether it´s the past-life trauma of being sacrificed or persecuted, or wounds that surround any kind of recurring lesson surrounding pain – taking a step back to understand why you may be making those choices does help. It stops you from feeling like the Universe hates you, or as though you are some pawn of Fate, moving without your own free will.

For me, at least, that has been one of the deeper realizations of my life thus far. At the day-to-day level, it has helped me to question those things which I felt drawn to, like a moth to a flame – as though I were being drawn into something I could not (ought not) question, or walk away from.

And many of the choices I have made, from taking that moment to detach – from realizing that I had a choice to let this energy into my space, or not – have led to healthier life choices. Ones that have made me feel more fulfilled as a woman and a spiritualist.

There are of course, inexplicably beautiful and powerful moments in which our souls attune to experiences of the Sublime. Those are, for me at least, qualitatively different from the karmic attractions that lead on down repetitive cycles of wounding, grief and a sense of limitation we normally associate with ´spiritual karma´.

I suspect we will see more of the former and less of the latter the moment we realize the power of our own choices in co-creating all that we experience, with whatever it is we consider the Essence of the Sacred.

Bairavee Balasubramaniam
The Sky Priestess

Image Information: Cornelia, the Vestal Virgin, entombed alive surrounded by bones in the dungeon. Line engraving by G. Machetti after B. Pinelli – See page for author [CC BY 4.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

Post © Bairavee Balasubramaniam, 2016. All rights reserved.

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9 thoughts on “Fatal Attractions: Cycles of Pain and the Karmic Choices we Make

  1. Thank you again Bairavee.. it smashed me, especially the timing!! I would like to share my story, if I may, maybe someone will find it helpful.
    It was 2 days ago I realised that I had been energetically addicted to One Manipulative Guy for 4 over years. We were together for 3 months (sic!) but his leaving for another woman left me absolutely broken hearted because, well, no one had ever seemed so perfect for me, completely resonating with everything I was and wanted to be. Later, he occassionally texted or called me (still being with that woman, actually living with her) saying how he missed me, how he still had feelings for me and that perhaps he did the greatest mistake in his whole life. Obviously, at that time I was and still am seeing someone else, but obviously, I agreed to meet him several times and go for a walk to talk. I had occasional dramas with sending hatred towards the Universe for tormenting me with feeling that someone had stolen my life. Each time I felt I was over him, someone, something or He himself reminded me of Him aaand the carousel spinned again. Once, he texted me all night and I went out at 4 am since he was standing in front of my house. He tried really hard to convince me to kiss him, or do whatever else keeping on claiming his feelings. When I objected and asked how was his life, he told me he was going to propose to her in 2 weeks (whaaaaaat). One month ago He asked my colleague (yeah, the only person my new coworker knew from my town was He – I ran out of workplace raging and coudn’t believe this absurdity, we work at a huge corporation) if he could give Him my phone number. My colleague did not. A few days later He married that woman. I was devastated (though I thought at the moment of being informed that I no sh*t was given that day), I dreamed of them each night and the dreams were ruining me. I thought that I was meant to love a man I could never have and it is my karma to suffer this way. Two days ago I was listening to a short lecture about intermittent reinforcement that leads to addictions/obsessions. I found out that all this time I was addcited to Him because of his occassional “reinfocements”. Duude. Getting the mechanism behind my over 4-year struggle was absolutely liberating and now I am slowly internalising the issue. Of course I did try millions of ways to cut Him off before, but each time I ended up opiated only for some time and then even more disappointed.
    Yesterday I finally deleted his phone number.
    Your article Bairavee resonates with me deeeeply (well, as always) and the process I am now going through. It is a good kind of reinforcement for me 🙂 I am grateful and would like to express my great and heartfelt appreciation for your work, insights, and lovely way of writing. I am sure you have helped thousands of people and continue to inspire them. Lots of love and blessing for you, B!


    1. There are many ways you can get out of a karmic cycle. Different tools that you can use. A good gemstone to start using to find clarity and truth, for instance, would be black obsidian. And it gets a lot more specific than that as well. But it´s a whole body-mind-soul type of effort. None can be isolated from the other. Small changes, over time, have quantum effects – and things like gemstones or essential oils – or spiritual/energetic facilitation can go a long way in shifting the energy patterns that you may be holding. It´s a process that takes time to break the cycle fully, and time to re-set with a new pattern of energy.


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