When Not All Darkness is Sacred: Things to Bear in Mind when Embodying or Channelling the Dark Goddess


With the Rise of the Feminine, so many of us across the Globe have instinctively sought out and begun to honor the Suppressed, Forgotten, Dark Feminine. Be She Kali, Lilith, Hecate, Dhumavati or by any other name, Her Darkness is one that any and all on this Path instantly recognize.

As I have written on multiple occasions, there is equally a trend of appropriating, watering-down and commercializing ancient spiritual traditions, rendering translations that (at times) are a far echo of what was once a powerful being or deity.

To some extent, that has happened with the Dark Goddess. In the bid to make her far more accessible to seekers, so much of what makes her Dark is forgotten or simply glossed over.

And that is .. when you really get down to it .. Not the brightest idea …

This is an energetic signature that has been suppressed, vilified, projected upon and held captive in the words, rituals and imaginations of thousands of years of patriarchal rule. Parts of it hearken back to a time before Time, a space I call the Void from which all Creation emerged. Parts of this Darkness are unspeakably, immeasurably healing and rejuvenating.

And parts of it are downright dangerous, psychotic, chaotic and out of control. This last part is the bit which I´m going to talk about today.

Some of you might find my words as a shocker, others might be be tempted to turn it back on me (i.e. project on me instead), others might wonder if I´ve finally gone off my rocker. That is your judgement to make, should you feel the need. I cannot eschew my duties in any case.

I should also add that many of you who are now just beginning your Path with Her may find Her to be the very opposite. This article is more so for those who have crossed a certain threshold in their relationship with Her and are venturing into a very different terrain. It is more likely to speak to intermediate and advanced channellers and practitioners who invoke her Energy directly.

This is not the same as being a Devotee of Her, or looking to her for Strength and Inspiration. It is a very, very, different relationship and level of engagement.

This is an article that has been months in the making with insights that have been verified by multiple practitioners of a truly advanced level whose judgement I find sound.

I have excluded all other known potential variables before putting forth my hypothesis:

That Parts of the Dark Goddess are Broken in Savage, Damaging ways. And it is up to us to Heal this Darkness. That Working with The Dark Goddess´ energy fully requires us to be present to All of These Aspects.

A few months ago, especially when I facilitated my ´Into the Void: A Journey to the Dark Goddess´ workshop in Glastonbury – I was initiated into certain energetic techniques that I have not read of or heard of elsewhere. I am in the process of writing down these transmissions that come directly from Her, straight from Source – in her Dark Form – I should say a Formless Darkness to be exact.

These teachings have the capacity to heal across timelines in a more complete form that accesses the body at a level I have no words for.

The workshop itself was attended by shamankas who had decades of experience in the field, and the facilitations were very very well received. The downloads were instants the keys I was given opened me to realms I did not consider possible. It was a gift. And most certainly a surprise.

And through that process I have seen many Shades of Darkness. Some are electric blue, some are fiery red. Some have no colour, only a taste or a texture. Some that bring me to a tearful state of reverence, and others that bring me to absolute repulsion.

Darkness is not Homogeneous. She is not Homogeneous. And we cannot Nail Her into Archetypes that Serve our Interests.

Well, not when you´re on an all-out Priestess path. At some point, you feel the rub.

Yes, She can be All-Loving, but that´s not All She is. There is a part of Her that is equally All-Hating.

With the astrological activations of Eris and Uranus, I have seen these multiple Shades of Darkness intensify, with the more bloodthirsty and destructive variant finding more ground.

Imagine having been let out of a cage after been held hostage and raped and abused for thousands of years. I´d be in a bad mood, wouldn´t you?

And I´m not just talking about the righteous avenger of Justice, the Holy Flame of Passion, I´m talking about the kind of energy that enjoys Discord. That enjoys pushing to the edge to see if you will jump.

That throws down the Golden Apple to watch them dance, and ultimately murder themselves. That brings you to the brink of desperation at which point your only choice is to surrender and to do what She bids you to.

(I know, this sounds a lot like the way the ancient Greeks and Romans understood Eris – but dammit, I´m starting to see where their fears come from. It ain´t pretty)

Before we discuss this further, I want to explain that I have taken the time to rule out other factors, in collaboration with professionals in these respective fields : –

A Mental Breakdown – Unclear Sight / Ungrounded Presence – Hijacking / Entities speaking on the Same Channel – Implants – Past-Life Karma – Rips in the Energy Field – ´The Shadow´/ Unacknowledged Self – Projection Dynamics – Disassociated Personality – Possession – and so on …

Having the same experience validated and verified by other long-time practitioners and Priestesses has given me the courage and necessary push to speak about this aspect of Her. I had to be sure that I wasn´t just picking up on something personal and projecting it onto a Divine construct. This is the hardest article I have ever had to write and I thank the sisters – and my brother – who proof-read the draft.

Again – those who directly embody and channel the energy of the Dark Goddess relate to her very differently from those who worship her as a devotee or write about her in admiration, who see her from afar.

For when you look at her Eye-to-Eye, you begin to see these Multiple Faces. Multiple Shadows.

To the many who have sought her out for healing from brokenness and victimhood – I know what I´m saying is a tough pill to swallow.

She is your Saviour, the One who brought you out of bondage. And now – could She be asking you to enter into another?

The thought is too painful to fully consider, but I must. For that is how I began with her myself – that was the first chapter of my Journey with her.

In past times, this is also why access to the Dark Goddesses was traditionally mediated by one who had crossed those thresholds and who help you navigate your way through.

To see if you were ready to truly pass through the eye of the Needle and into a different dimension of Consciousness. Things don´t make the sense the way we expect them to. To be able to tell the difference between your baggage – and – what appears to be baggage of a Cosmic Origin.

In this age, everyone is connecting with everything, irrespective of levels of readiness. We want Enlightenment NOW! And – especially – when it comes to an energy like this one .. that is absolutely not the right approach. It´s one of the reasons why working with the Dark Mothers has, in past times, come with a tonne of warning labels.

Well, like it or not, we´re all going to have face Her. Especially with the Eris-Uranus conjunctions of 2016 and 2017.

So, back to what I´d like to share with you today. The aspects of Darkness that are .. possibly not Sacred as we would like them to be … This is different from the righteous energy of the avenger, the bringer of justice. Or the benevolent, nurturing mother. Or the faceless, formless Void of Creation.

This is just batshit crazy.

I have witnessed this energy move through me, and those closest to me. And have heard of the same story or dynamic with other practitioners. And they are the same story.

Sometimes when you channel or embody Her energy, you see Her Pain. Her Shadow. And that is far larger than any one individual or story. The level and intensity of hate, rage and anger far exceeds your own. It is not even the pain of a single soul through multiple lifetimes, but of a pain that millions, if not billions have borne.

And sometimes it is Anger. It is the desire to Burn. Burn the world that held Her down against Her will.

It is a far larger than one individual´s pain. It is immense.

The images we receive are very similar as is the feel or nature of the energy which I am doing my best to describe. Something about it feels edgy, intoxicated with power – but off, so very, very off. It is the Rising Feminine, but it´s not what we expected.

And I´ve seen it move through so many people that I now can put a finger it and identify it. Not to blame or shame. But to heal.

There are these moments when you feel as though you have no control. That your usual ways of communing with Spirit are quite literally leading you off a cliff. They can be utterly selfish, utterly destructive, utterly ghastly. And still come through the same channel as so many other beautiful, uplifting messages from the Dark Mother emanate.

A very different experience from your personal shadow-work, from possession, or all that fun stuff… this moves through you like Lightning that has stood in wait for thousands of Years and whose anger can no longer be denied.

There´s no Ego-hold to it. It just moves through you like a Wave you feel you can´t stop. Because it is so … huge.

Until I reached out and found other sisters struggling with the same, I was about to throw in the towel. I had run out of explanations beyond the idea I was on the wrong Path and had taken a weird turn, now in thoroughly bizarre territory.

How was this even possible?

How could the Mother I love so much be expressing such violent, destructive-for-its-own-sake energy?

Could the Greeks have been right with their fear of Eris?

Was I internalizing patriarchal propaganda or finding an inner demoness I needed to exorcise?

Was I losing my own sanity?

Was my Ego-Shadow-Baggage that HUGE?

So many questions ..

But after much searching, verifying and discerning …

What I can understand now is that this is part of a far, far, larger thing. Something that goes beyond me as a person, as a daughter of a particular maternal line, a member of an ethnicity or race, and so on.

It´s something that each and every practitioner-channeller of The Dark Mother will face the farther they go in Her Service.

That with the Rise of the Feminine .. ALL parts of Her are waking up.

That includes the Avenger, the Protector, the Mother – but equally –

Part of her is Screaming. A part of her wants to Kill. A part of her Relishes the Bloodshed.

Imagining Her not to have these features is … to deny so much of what She is and has been through.

And that is what has happened… with the watering-down of this archetype so as to make her more accessible. In much the same way the Feminine is pedestalized to the point where she is not capable of any Evil.

And to pretend that this side of Her comes out only in response to injustice is well-meaning, but ultimately incomplete.

Different people have responded differently to this energy. Some have run for the hills. Others have embodied it and have allowed their personal baggage to be conflated with Her Shadow. Her Past. The energy they feel from Her is so powerful that it makes them feel powerful. And they attack, in Her name. And they glorify it.

There is another group who sees this as a test of initiation. Surrender to her without question and She will save you. You can call it a lack of faith on my path, but there are some things I will never do – no matter who or what asks me to, or whatever larger cause there may be. The ends do not justify the means.

Those who are working with Her purely from the Lower Chakras aren´t able to see the difference between these shades- because it looks so very similar. You need the upper and the lower working in tandem to tell the two apart.

How do you tell the difference between one fighting for justice, and one fighting just because She likes the chaos? When you´re in a stage where you´re just finding your feet, your voice and your power – this is the last thing you want to think about.

I am writing about this because (1) that´s how I process, (2) there´s bound to be other people who are dealing with this exact question-

What do you do when your Dark Goddess tells you to do the energetic equivalent of drinking poison, of mating with a monster? Or of putting an innocent in harm´s way? Or opening a door you know you shouldn´t?

(Those with Atlantean connections / past-life memories – you know exactly what I´m talking about)

What do you do when the one you trusted and loved so deeply asks you to commit an act you cannot? And every fiber in your body tells you not to?

My only response would be to find a different kind of Darkness to Heal whom you Love so very very deeply. In this case, a Priestess to a Goddess. And many others will be doing the same.

With the astrology of Eris and Uranus, I suspect this work is going to be far more significant than any of us ever imagined. Already I see many who believe they´re on the Path being utterly controlled by this variant of Darkness. And those who can tell the difference between the two are shying away from it. Some refuse to acknowledge it at all (which does not help).

It´s an ancient energy. And one that carries the scars of what we collectively did to the Goddess in the first place. When you bring back The Feminine — it´s ALL of Her. Not just the lovey-dovey, rosey, or even the avenging-for-justice bits. There is lunacy, there is hysteria, there is aggression and there is malice. There is the victim that wants to be heard and the victim-turned-bully that wants to enjoy what it once endured.

Let us be honest. If we accept that the Male God has a Shadow of Brutality and War, then why do we leave the Female exempt? I for one do not buy the woman-is-by-virtue-of-her-sex-more-sacred-argument. In our need to see Goddess as Saviour, we exclude her Shadow. Just look to the holy texts of monotheistic faith – a lot of Gods have a side that is utterly, unspeakably Cruel.

And if we look to the history/herstory of The Dark Goddess herself, her cults have not necessarily been of a peaceful kind. The priests of Cybele and her consort Attis, for instance, engaged in Self-Castration and self-whipping. An impersonator of the Aztec Earth-Mother Goddess Coatlicue was ritually sacrificed in an annual festival. Practices of human sacrifice and .. shall we say unethical magic.. have been associated with the Goddess Kali.

The list goes on. She is a whole lot more than your sister-power-girlfriend who backs you up when you need to stand Tall. There are many other facets of Her than the watered-down, New Age interpretation we´re being asked to consume.

When we bring back these Older Goddesses and their practices, we also bring back the energies associated with them. And not all of them are of Love. So when we invoke these names, we are invoking far more than our current ideas of what The Dark Goddess is what We Want Her to Be. Such is the power of ritual.

Which is why … truly walking the Path of the Dark Goddess is not something I would recommend for most people. You see every possible Shade of Light, Dark, Rainbow, Inverted Energy there is – and you are challenged to find what is Sacred within it , or what must be done to make it Sacred Once more.

Sometimes Serving the Goddess means .. ya really got to Serve Her… with a Dose of Perspective.

To me, a Goddess is not some uber-deity that watches over us. She is born of the intersections of multiple realities, fractals of a hologram that together – bring us the Illusion / Reality of One who is far greater than All. At least, that´s the way I see Her. Which may be right or wrong, but it´s only way that works for me.

When I heal myself, I heal my Goddess. I heal every woman, man, child, being I am connected with. And vice versa. When I harm myself, I make the same choice.

It´s possible – using the body analogy – that whatever this vibration is is the equivalent of bile or regurgitation. That it´s an image of the pain and distortion that women (in particular) and their Sacred, Dark traditions have undergone. Or, it´s just a part of Her we need to address.

Whichever it is, I am sure this piece will challenge and alienate many. But I hope it will find its way to many others who work with, who honor the Sacred Dark Mother for All She Is, not merely All that We Need Her To Be.

In other words, just as we have a Shadow, so does She. And when you channel Her or embody that energy directly, that Shadow comes out as well. It´s tempting to say it´s the individual self projected, or other such psychological shenanigans – but here is where I am grateful for the validation that other channellers have also experienced. It is a part of Her energy in itself. Telling the difference between these various shades of Darkness, between your personal Shadow – and Hers – is a task in itself. That´s why this path has not always been that accessible.

The question of how to heal or address this Shadow is a huge one. And I´m going to have to go back the transmissions I received earlier in the year. As I suspect my answer has been there all along.

It´s going to take Love of all Shades. Especially from the Darkest of Spaces.

I´ll share more when I can.

Priestess Bairavee Balasubramaniam PhD
The Dark Mother’s Children

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68 thoughts on “When Not All Darkness is Sacred: Things to Bear in Mind when Embodying or Channelling the Dark Goddess

    1. Amazing and insightful. Thank you so much for being willing to look deeply and honestly at yourself and your walk and for sharing it with us all. You are very brave and courageous. You do yourself and allies great honor by sharing these insights and truths you have been given. May these truths help us all grow and more fully understand and integrate all aspects of our lives and relations with our guides, teachers and one another.
      Thank you.


    2. As Lilith has ripped into my life – after an encounter with a lover that involved strong Uranus and Chiron activations… I am feeling this. It’s been scary… and I would say I am an intermediate practicioner. I’ve had moments of wanting to run to the church and just ask to be baptised!


  1. First of all, love this article. Really well expressed and I can feel your sincerity and effort. Thank you, bless you. It occurs to me that this energy you are discussing is primordial and evolutionary and resists the archetypes because it predates them. It is the violence that creates and refines species and worlds. Going out on a limb that may offend: you don’t make promises with it, you don’t make much of it and money of it. It owns YOU, not the other way around.
    To abandon who you are and your will or ethics? Depends on if you can hold the line with fluidity, because you HAVE to let it move through and see how it changes you. Personality won’t survive, that’s certain. Culture is next to go, but neither of those things serve anyway. Where I live in Montana, we are still part of the food chain and the exhilaration and danger of life can be found if you know where to look. You would like it here. Please visit.
    I am frustrated with the language of the new age and the concept of healing. It is just like original sin. This is not an energy to mediate on another’s behalf (that’s patriarchy–after all). It is hubris to think we will force it to wear archetypal leashes (which are just tools for understanding anyway) and walk among us like a nice puppy. What did we think was coming anyway? We are BORN from chaos!
    Thanks for this offering this, what a great start to an urgently needed conversation. Those people at Catal Huyuk were not observing the violence in some “other” being. They knew it in themselves and in their culture and they made a space for it. Maybe we have not come so far in integrating. We seem to hardly ever ask what we are, where we come from or where we are going. That you have confronted the shock and awe in a way that makes us all turn and look is inspirational. I think you are what you seek to become, Dr. Balasubramaniam and I am starting to see an advancing line rising . . . holding the stone of Hope.

    Thank you for this and for the work you do,

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Very well said, and yes I´d love to visit ❤ 🙂 She´s asked me to take many personal risks, but I draw the line at involving someone else´s karma, especially of the innocent. That might be ´bad´in some priestess circles, but it´s something I can´t let go of. I stop being me, and at least for now, that has some value and use 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

    2. Yes!!! Thank you for stating your truth about the word “healing”. I have found myself feeling less and less drawn to subscribing to it. I so enjoyed seeing the words that hadn’t quite form for me written by you.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Dr. B, love, love this post…the honesty and conviction with which you share your understanding. I’ve known intuitively that there is a much darker aspect there than I have ever conceived of or encountered in any conscious way.

    Although, I do believe I have felt some of the energies…the less dense of the darkest dark…mind you! But…even those energies surprised the hell out of me! I felt great loathing for the “male”…and entertained the satisfaction of inflicting punishment and suffering. Of course my “self” would not allow this to happen. However, I felt it important to let those thoughts and feelings run through me. As a sort of integration and transmuting function.

    Another way I dealt with the energies is through writing and poetry. I wrote some seething fiction…which definitely embodied the loathing and hatred and desire to make suffer to object(s) of those feelings. Often these feelings were strongly intertwined with sexual energies. I reveled in the feelings elicited by imagining what I was writing about. In fact, I could have drowned happily in them.

    Afterwards, I had to wonder where the feelings came from. I know it wasn’t me alone…this desire to destroy, hurt, inflict all manner of suffering.

    Anyway, keep up the revelation of Truth! I love your posts, even if I rarely comment. Thank-you for all your good works!


    Liked by 2 people

  3. p.s. I think she has come to me in dreams in the form of the lion/dog…. a large beast, baring great rows of razor-sharp teeth, up close…sniffing and smelling me…to see if the fear is great…greater than the desire to serve. She didn’t bite my head off…so that’s good!

    Liked by 3 people

      1. I had done some investigation into trying to understand my dream…but didn’t have a definitive answer. Now I will definitely follow up! Thank-you for the lead. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Bairavee. I am so grateful you have the courage to speak as you do. It is the only explanation that makes sense to me. My emotions have not matched the life I am living, and the more I awaken the more bizarre it gets. What I have discovered is that it is I alone who must walk with the Dark Mother. As life unfolds, I can see she has in her own magical way given me what I needed at each step. I cannot see into the future with her, I must learn to trust in that unknown. Every step has felt like death but I keep walking. Some days I do not know where that strength comes from. The responsibility (S) are on my own shoulders as we  walk together. I , in no way, want to do to another what has been done to me. That awareness has come with its own lessons. I am also learning not to take personally what others do. This has been a very difficult lesson. There are many lessons as you know. I am so grateful there are some who walk with me as it is indeed a solitary journey. We will have to wait upon her teachings , will we not. Please continue to write. You are honored. Diane(a)   

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Thank you for words that have helped me feel less alone. After half a lifetime.. I am only now just beginning to see. Every step is so important.. but the importance is not to be made important(?). The growth in being our True selves and the trust and faith we are pushed to cling to is so huge.. and I think, a very large part of the healing that is happening for us all. Including the Dark Mother/Goddess. I feel She is also putting her faith/trust in ‘us’.. to be able, after all this ‘Time’.. to be able to once and for all Heal. So Grateful to all of you, and especially to you Bairavee, as it has been through your clear messages and courage that I have kept on reading your articles. Gratitude xoxo

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Thank you for this article. I myself disobeyed Her many years ago, as the action She required (on the spot) would destroy my family, “cut” a great 9 day Yagya and hurt many people. It took quite superhuman strength to stick to my morals. And sticking to, lets call it, Sanatan Dharma or common decency, may be the trick. At the time, and for many years after i felt very bad about this disobedience of mine, hence i do think your article is very important for many.
    Some 20 years later, She got Her way, the same outcome without the shock and suffering to others involved.
    Trust, She is the Great Goddess !!

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Thank you, for putting this in to words. I too, carry far too much white hot fury and maniacal fantasies of vengeful violence in my cells than can be justified for this lifetime or many lifetimes. To be sure, I have at times, considered I am going insane. I feel, it seems, an unfathomable number of brutal abominations that as far as I can intuit, I haven’t experienced directly in any lifetime (although I have experienced many) and yet, my psyche convinces me they are my personal experiences to the extent that I can recall details of each of them, feel the crushing weight of the fear of many, hear the guttural pre-language sounds we unconscioulsy make at those times, taste the metallic- like pain and desire to carry out……. well, some gruesome acts. I haven’t, of course, and wouldn’t, but I have experienced that, ‘pushing to the edge’, you describe, ‘to see if you will jump.’
    There is no one here, I can talk to. Own up to. No one who will not tell me that I have been led off the path and just must head back towards the love and the light for everything to be OK! Pish! So few, who willingly honour her with the tender reverence and fierce commitment she requires. Love and light, yes. But not instead of. Not in replacement of. As if that were even an option. She would spit in your face. Distinguish your light.
    I am with you in much of your ‘chewing over’. There is a duality that is not a duality to be faced. I wonder often, about this Golden Age, we’re being told we are heading into. This love future where anything that is not love has no place. Really? I don’t know what our dark mother will have to say about that. I’m not sure she’ll be easily placated, knowing as she does the dirt under our fingernails, the gravel under our skin.
    Healing. I agree with DogMoonYoga above. I baulk at the concept of healing. So paradoxical. So unhealing. So wound opening. Address, yes. Heal, no. Who do we think we are? Mind our own business is all we need do. Mind our own steps. Consciously pressing weight into each of them so as to be sure we leave our energetic mark and others may know we’ve passed this way. It is a solitary path and one I often long for company upon.
    Most recently, I have heard warnings. ‘Be care-full, be full-y aware of the vastness of this connection. Power-full, yes. Soul-full, yes. Strength-full, yes. Joy-full, yes. Pleasure-full, yes. But what else? Not by any means a safety rope, a security net, a well of innocuousness, an oasis. Well, not if you care to remove your rose-tinted glasses or your New Age indoctrination.
    I’m here and I’m listening Dr. Balasubramaniam. I have found no others talking. Thank you.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Maybe “care-less”? How many times do we have to go around the wheel before we get to start acting like we know it’s not real? I mean, that’s what SHE does. I get the sense, when I’m allowing her, that SHE’s testing my attachment to my illusions about what I am, what the universe is. She’s burning my carefully nurtured internal village and smirking about it, loving it.

      Sometimes I think she’s the reason I bought patriarchy to begin with; I abandoned myself to ANYBODY who would hold the shield for 6 thousand years while I got a breather! But wait, I am in eons-long relationship with the force of destruction in the cosmos? And everything here is a mirror? So common decency and trust myself and . . . love it?

      Not kidding. Whatever comes through that door, meet it on my feet and love it? What does that even mean?!? Does it mean to you what it means to me? Can we somehow make it so that’s part of the deal? Communicate it outward? Words fail here.

      PS Thanks again Doc, this looks like it needed a place to happen.

      Liked by 2 people

  7. While it is always a must for our vrowth to feel into all that has harmed us in this life, the dark feminine and dark masculine are but only reflections of ourselves, but in reality, they are not real. This life is very convincing however, and great suffering is possible here. But darkness is our very own shadow in the light. Love is the Highest Truth. The shadow seems real, but it is only a limit being placed on the light by our own selfish nature. To love is the secret. Feel the wound yes, but feel beyond it into the truth of Light, of Love. The shadow is real for you until you have felt it fully and touched it. When you know everything as light, then there is no longer a shadow.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That´s certainly one perspective. Perhaps you´re not familiar with how I conceptualize the Darkness as a Sacred and Primordial experience. That is very different from the way in which darkness has been rhetorically used as the dual opposite of light. I suspect you are coming from the latter tradition. Same words, very different meanings. Blessings and love ❤


      1. Yeah, this is the one that shows you the true meaning of vulnerability. This is the One where you sit up and suck air and sing and cry and beg while you try not to go fetal. This is the One where it’s all you can do to stand more. You’re not classifying symbols with Her, you’re looking for the hand brake. A gentle introduction can be found in Holotropic Breathwork with Stan Grof, but even there you’ll have a sitter and a controlled environment. I know yoga is telling you this is all illusion, but there is real power here and there is something to the love you are espousing, but if your knees aren’t knocking on the way to the ashram, you haven’t seen Her.


        Liked by 2 people

  8. Incredibly timely and exactly what I have experienced. Thank you for speaking on this topic as it must be acknowledged and brought to the table as you did so so beautifully, with clean edges, and vibrational truth.
    Exhaling deeply here after reading this. Again thank you.


  9. Thank you so much, for your writings… i am grateful. In my life, I deal often with death, and with that often comes Chaos. It is not my profession, I am not a doctor, or mortician. I am simply willing to be there, when so many others cannot. or will not. Many people in my life have died, of AIDS, of illness, of accident, of age…Being present for the end of a life, is hard, and challenging, and an honor, to be present for the end of someone’s story. Everyone’s excited at a birth! everyone holds their breathe until that infant breathes. When someone breathes their last, it is the same moment. In that Moment, I feel The Dark Mother. She expands in me, and is large enough to take that moment of transformation in. It is not always pretty. It is not always calm. it is not always tidy, or just, or easily explained away . It can be appalling, horriffic, and frightening. I live in the woods, close to nature. Death happens here, in a million ways every moment. The most difficult things asked of me, I have found to be necessary. Ending the life of a deer, struck by a car, and left to die. I could stand back, and watch the inevitable,, the suffering go on for days… or choose to be a visceral part of that ending. Without the access to all that pain, that rage, I wouldn’t have been able to do it. The well of grief I experienced, on the side of that road,the rage, was so much more than just mine. Death is not fluffy, or pretty. It smells, It bleeds, it is scary. The Dark Mother is necessary. the Further shadow, is madness, it cannot be managed* I have felt that further shadow We are given to choose. We are the line between, the Dark Mother, and Her Darkest Shadow. We balance on choice, and that choice is everything. and so we tread carefully. I am not certain I have adequately articulated, my understandings.. Speaking these moments is a tricky buisness, and easily misunderstood. thank you for your clarity.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Are you kidding?! What you have written is INCREDIBLY eloquent! I was right there with you and the deer! Witnessing, holding the line between, having access to the fortitude of the COLLECTED rage and the kind of mercy that only the wound impels. I agree also that watching someone, especially a loved one, transition can be a moment of power and true glory. The true work of living. Hold the line.

      Liked by 1 person

  10. Sounds about right. The thing is when you tap into that side of her … The energy is … so huge, almost too much for a single person to handle. Therein lies the test so to speak. Which practitioners get powerful but go batshit crazy on it – it´s seductive. And which manage to say, Nope. Sit Down. I´ll Make you cup of tea. Talk. Don´t break the furniture.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Great article, I’ve had some experience with the dark goddess (quite a bit actually) my eldest and 1st surviving child is named Kali, and yes she was a blessing from Kali, the goddess that granted her life against all odds, it came at a price, she reigned chaos on me afterwards, and yes my daughter was conceived in rape. But then all my children before had died, so I wouldn’t have risked another one on purpose, so in some ways it was the only way, and so I defied medical science and a miracle baby was born… The miracle didn’t stop there either and neither did the chaos. I’ve met the goddess Kali 3 times, and two of the times were terrifying. The 1st time, I met her was in a darkened rock cave, It was circular and I stood in the shadows along the edge, in the middle of the cave was a huge circle, the walls of the cave curved up to a peak, which had an opening, I know it represented a woman’s ‘cervix’ I couldn’t see kali but I knew she was straddled above the opening and coming down from there was a light. (Yes a light was shining out of her vagina) it shone down onto the white circle that covered most of the cave floor. I know I was supposed to step into the circle but I couldn’t, I was frightened as the light illuminated the red blood and guts that was spattered everywhere, and there were skulls and human skeletons dotted among the bloodied mess. I returned to my body, and that was my 1st scary meeting with Kali. I met her a second time in a very different environment, it was a swimming baths with many pools, she was sat on a throne, on one of the walkways, there were walkways across the pools, I went to walk to her when I noticed the pools had quite dangerous sharks in them, again I couldn’t do what she wanted and walk over to her. The 3rd time I met her, she didn’t give me any choice, I found myself in a ritual and she bound me with black cords and lead me to a mirror, she initiated me and I found out who I was. There’s much more I could go on about, but i’ll stop here, and say yes, she isn’t one to play with lightly, she did reign chaos and quite a few people ended up with broken spines and injured necks, the chaos she reigned does have a purpose, she’s lead me to discover some things going on in the world that I had no idea about, it has cost me though. Yes she’s angry, and she’s got every reason to be. Her anger isn’t always justified…….. Hmmmm interesting, for myself so far deeper discovery has eventually uncovered her justification, could she go all out psycho and kill for the fun of it?….. Probably, her circle was no fun!

    Liked by 2 people

  12. Your article is insightful, wise, clear and confirming. Thank you so much for writing this!
    Over the last month i had vexing feelings. Each time i looked at some nice little animal, let it be a squirrel, a bird or my beloved cat, i felt an urge to hurt and kill this innocent being. This was so strange and i judged myself for it. Finally i gave in to that feeling (mentally – no animal got hurt) and saw an enormous flood of blood sweeping over the earth. Washing it. Afterwards i felt great relief and the scene was cleared for something new to begin.
    Now this makes more sense to me, my hair stood up when reading your words.
    Im so grateful to you, that you have the bravery and make the effort to share your knowledge and experience! New Age lovy lovy talks always gave me breakouts.


  13. please excuse a newbie for commenting, if I am way off. Two things I have recently read, one is that in the myths,sometimes another priest/priestess or god/goddess has to step in and stop the goddess rage…as in when Shiva had to lay down (in sacrificial love) in front of Kali’s rampage, or when Ra turned the nile to red beer to sate Sekhmet. And possibly some of Sekhmet’s priestess’s duties were to appease her. The gods and goddesses are not human, and possibly our humanity, a weakness in some ways, is a strength in other ways: we can show the gods humanity.
    What would happen if we lost our humanity when being with the divine? Lost our consciousness of our own world?
    I am a healer, have not felt called to a shaman or priestess life, but definitely to a student/teacher/healer path. I have not delved into most of the dark goddesses because they scare me a lot. This article reassures me rather than scares me, as it shows humanity.

    Liked by 2 people

  14. Dear Bairavee, it seems like a very windy road to take to arrive at the answer, but I understand why it has to be explained in this manner. Just because we are women does not make us specially resistant to the allure of dark power and the heady seduction of the ego – ours or Hers. Volcanoes, earthquakes, tsunamis – these are all manifestations of the same Nature that feeds us ripe fruits and the nectar of sparkling rivers. To look upon anything without the eyes of wisdom and the understanding of balance, will lead to huge trouble. In the end, it comes down to ‘what’s my shit?’ ‘where am I today?’ ‘can I sit with this?’ ‘where is this coming from?’ ‘Will this serve the greater good?’ instead of just reacting constantly in the deluded belief that we are ‘special’ ‘gifted’ ‘holy’ and thus irreproachable – something that has sadly become common even in ‘spiritual’ practice.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Wonderful article: we need more of this.
    If everything is darkness, there’s no way to see the path.
    Seeing Her in Her entirety requires courage. Staying sane afterwards,requires firmly planted feet, integrity and a sense of humor.
    It’s all about choices, really.
    Also, there is this idea that gods and goddesses know what is best for you, that you should never question them….here lies the way to madness, in my opinion. They are different beings, they don’t “think” in human terms, and they do have their own agendas: finding the right balance between entrusting yourself to the divine and going on being a functional human being, is the most difficult thing. But, then, this is what it means to be fully alive and human, in this world.
    Going stubbornly on about love and light, denying everything else as false, is going to nourish the Shadow in a wrong way: it has the double effect of increasing the problem, and leaving people without any tools to face it.
    As I said, we need more of this. Thank you.


  16. excellent writing. I don’t see many addressing this…. historically, in diverse cultures, one would definitely be guided and initiated with these kinds of energies. It’s both a blessing and a curse that so many have the opportunity and availability of information to explore the spiritual while retaining their own individuality and power of discernment, but doing so with knowledge of the traditions of the past is certainly wise. Thank you for a balanced and thoughtful essay.


  17. Wow Thank you so much for this article. I carry many aspects of the Dark Feminine and least to say my life has been challenging from the day I was born, but with control and power abuse I found a way in the world, and I started my healing journey not long ago from all of that. Recent months Lilith came to me strongly and with the help of my Soul Guide I was starting to embody parts of her (I have middle eastern genetics and connected to the Sumerian lineage from both past life as well as genetics). My life basicly got thrown upside down and I was left bare naked and abandoned by my guides to deal with the deepest Split I have felt in myself. The part of me utterly destructive and not at all wanting to connect to God and Love showed herself after a while. I got so shitscared of this within me…thinking it was all me. What I did is, as it was all left and the only true balm in those moments with help from dear friends; I radically embraced her, held her hand and showed her Love and turned her to the All Loving Mother and Father. Something incredible shifted inside. So much Divine Love poured through me as I started this radical compassion and embrace. I was held deeply and loved deeply as I loved this part of me which I then felt was all me.
    Now I feel ‘myself’ again finally, with a much larger and more open Heart, after weeks and weeks of total terror, anguish, pain, suffering, chaos and confusion. I literally ‘lost it’ a few times, went into total madness and fragmentation, thinking I would end up in a mental house, and I used to be a very ‘sane’ woman!!

    Compassion for the pain and suffering of this part of the Feminine, within and without, has been my jewel. And now even more discernement in inviting to embody these aspects of the Feminine will be a good one to integrate. I always asked God to bring forth ‘my supressed Lilith’ so I wouldn’t connect to forces out of alignement, but even more discernment and care with these aspects of the Feminine….
    Thank you so much! ❤️ Blessings !


  18. Dear Bairavee thank you for your multi dimensional insight, wisdom and sincerity. I had a dream that woke me, it was an aspect of her, she wanted to kill, devour, protect then destroy. She was me, another aspect of my multi demential self. I felt a kind of void over me the night my mother died, it frightened me and beckoned me as it was the place my mother was is and continues to be. My blood mother, my earth mother my every level of the feminine contains it all. When earth expresses in all its capacities, ‘natural disaster’, subtle weather changes, not so subtle; its all there for us, with us in us, as without so within in.
    Thank you Bless


  19. Thank you so much for writing this…I am definitely seeking answers on this topic because I’ve been going through these initiations off and on for a few years. They are becoming more and more intense and “destructive” (of all things I don’t need moving forward I am hoping) but it’s so hard to not question whether something is wrong when it feels like my cells are being torn apart and composted. I really resonated with what you said about thinking that all of a sudden you had gone down the wrong path. That is so what it feels like and yet somehow I know it isn’t true. I will just have to wait and see what kinds of insights this wave brings.


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