Fatal Attractions: Cycles of Pain and the Karmic Choices we Make



You were sacrificed before. Maybe many times.
Your soul got used to it, Maybe you thought it was ´normal´.
You´re trying to do it again.

Short, but an answer that has deep resonance, especially for those who resonate with the archetype of the sacrificial virgin / priestess. Unpack it a little more, and you find your own reasons.

In this context, ´normal´ doesn´t mean good, bad, desirable, healthy, unhealthy, hateable – it just means that you got used to a certain vibration. And internalized it. Perhaps it´s a fixation to break through it, perhaps it´s a conviction that it´s true, or good. Perhaps it´s a need to understand it.

Whatever it is, it´s an attachment to a particular experience. And the soul attracts people, events and opportunities to once again re-live it.

Truly, it´s an argument you can make for any type of karmic lesson that keeps appearing in life. Sometimes it may seem like an unlucky streak ´this always happens to me´ .. i always end up with that kind of person ´, or really, anything that you just find yourself pulled towards without reason or explanation, as though by magic. Sometimes it´s a nice kind of pull, but more often than not – it tends to reflect what we see as our wounds, weaknesses, vulnerabilities.

Karmic attachments are things that exert a powerful pull on our psyches as we seek to understand the why and wherefores behind them. We subconsciously choose these experiences in a bid to gain a more complete experience. Ultimately, to transcend the need to experience it entirely (so the theory says).

These choices we make, which we mystify as ´karma´ , are buried in the subconscious. That doesn´t mean they are beyond our ability to understand and ultimately move past.

It´s time to stop mystifying and romanticizing choices that lead us unto paths of pain as being somehow fated, destined and/or sacred. Or simply things that we cannot change in ourselves.

Whether it´s the past-life trauma of being sacrificed or persecuted, or wounds that surround any kind of recurring lesson surrounding pain – taking a step back to understand why you may be making those choices does help. It stops you from feeling like the Universe hates you, or as though you are some pawn of Fate, moving without your own free will.

For me, at least, that has been one of the deeper realizations of my life thus far. At the day-to-day level, it has helped me to question those things which I felt drawn to, like a moth to a flame – as though I were being drawn into something I could not (ought not) question, or walk away from.

And many of the choices I have made, from taking that moment to detach – from realizing that I had a choice to let this energy into my space, or not – have led to healthier life choices. Ones that have made me feel more fulfilled as a woman and a spiritualist.

There are of course, inexplicably beautiful and powerful moments in which our souls attune to experiences of the Sublime. Those are, for me at least, qualitatively different from the karmic attractions that lead on down repetitive cycles of wounding, grief and a sense of limitation we normally associate with ´spiritual karma´.

I suspect we will see more of the former and less of the latter the moment we realize the power of our own choices in co-creating all that we experience, with whatever it is we consider the Essence of the Sacred.

Bairavee Balasubramaniam
The Sky Priestess

Image Information: Cornelia, the Vestal Virgin, entombed alive surrounded by bones in the dungeon. Line engraving by G. Machetti after B. Pinelli – See page for author [CC BY 4.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

Post © Bairavee Balasubramaniam, 2016. All rights reserved.

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Lilith yod

There is a yod (Finger of Fate) in the sky involving Sun (Aquarius) sextiling Moon (Aries), with inconjuncts pointing towards Black Moon Lilith (Virgo). This yod lasts between 3:15 am – 1.22 pm, Jan 25th 2015 (GMT + 8). Most of that yod has passed (1 hr left), but this information is still useful to make sense of unusually intense emotions, thoughts, and spiritual experiences you may have had in the time period.

Effectively, we are called to bridge both the unconscious and conscious, the rational and intuitive, the masculine and feminine, (etc). aspects of our Awakening Process and Embodiment of I AM Consciousness. These energies challenge us to bring these valuable insights to Black Moon Lilith- the Rising Feminine, often burdened with societal projections depicting her as a ‘bad’ or ‘negative’ woman (e.g. the bad mother, the harlot, the schemer, the manipulator, etc. etc. etc. ).

Virgo is all about the Path of Service and the way we ensure we are firstly self-sufficient before we seek to help others. (The idea of filling your cup first before you help another – else no one gets anything!). Black Moon Lilith in this position breaks through the ideological and culturally conditioned shackles that many of us still wear – the idea that women must be meek and submissive and that it’s not okay for them to take care of themselves!

This Yod is further activated by the ongoing opposition between Neptune in Pisces and Black Moon Lilith in Virgo. We may find out understanding of Spirit tested at this time. Are you manifesting a Self (Aries), deepening your consciousness (Aquarius) so that you can follow a truly liberated path of Service (Virgo)? What collective, subliminal beliefs, or ideas about Spirit facilitate this process? And which hold them back?

Spiritual Facilitators who are just now re-membering and re-claiming their identities as Priests, Priestesses, etc. may also find this video useful:http://wp.me/p4OUNS-4g

Blessings to All,

Priestess Bairavee Balasubramaniam, PhD