Fatal Attractions: Cycles of Pain and the Karmic Choices we Make

 

You were sacrificed before. Maybe many times.
Your soul got used to it, Maybe you thought it was ´normal´.
You´re trying to do it again.

Short, but an answer that has deep resonance, especially for those who resonate with the archetype of the sacrificial virgin / priestess. Unpack it a little more, and you find your own reasons.

In this context, ´normal´ doesn´t mean good, bad, desirable, healthy, unhealthy, hateable – it just means that you got used to a certain vibration. And internalized it. Perhaps it´s a fixation to break through it, perhaps it´s a conviction that it´s true, or good. Perhaps it´s a need to understand it.

Whatever it is, it´s an attachment to a particular experience. And the soul attracts people, events and opportunities to once again re-live it.

Truly, it´s an argument you can make for any type of karmic lesson that keeps appearing in life. Sometimes it may seem like an unlucky streak ´this always happens to me´ .. i always end up with that kind of person ´, or really, anything that you just find yourself pulled towards without reason or explanation, as though by magic. Sometimes it´s a nice kind of pull, but more often than not – it tends to reflect what we see as our wounds, weaknesses, vulnerabilities.

Karmic attachments are things that exert a powerful pull on our psyches as we seek to understand the why and wherefores behind them. We subconsciously choose these experiences in a bid to gain a more complete experience. Ultimately, to transcend the need to experience it entirely (so the theory says).

These choices we make, which we mystify as ´karma´ , are buried in the subconscious. That doesn´t mean they are beyond our ability to understand and ultimately move past.

It´s time to stop mystifying and romanticizing choices that lead us unto paths of pain as being somehow fated, destined and/or sacred. Or simply things that we cannot change in ourselves.

Whether it´s the past-life trauma of being sacrificed or persecuted, or wounds that surround any kind of recurring lesson surrounding pain – taking a step back to understand why you may be making those choices does help. It stops you from feeling like the Universe hates you, or as though you are some pawn of Fate, moving without your own free will.

For me, at least, that has been one of the deeper realizations of my life thus far. At the day-to-day level, it has helped me to question those things which I felt drawn to, like a moth to a flame – as though I were being drawn into something I could not (ought not) question, or walk away from.

And many of the choices I have made, from taking that moment to detach – from realizing that I had a choice to let this energy into my space, or not – have led to healthier life choices. Ones that have made me feel more fulfilled as a woman and a spiritualist.

There are of course, inexplicably beautiful and powerful moments in which our souls attune to experiences of the Sublime. Those are, for me at least, qualitatively different from the karmic attractions that lead on down repetitive cycles of wounding, grief and a sense of limitation we normally associate with ´spiritual karma´.

I suspect we will see more of the former and less of the latter the moment we realize the power of our own choices in co-creating all that we experience, with whatever it is we consider the Essence of the Sacred.

Bairavee Balasubramaniam
The Sky Priestess

Image Information: Cornelia, the Vestal Virgin, entombed alive surrounded by bones in the dungeon. Line engraving by G. Machetti after B. Pinelli – See page for author [CC BY 4.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

Post © Bairavee Balasubramaniam, 2016. All rights reserved.

Terms and Conditions of Use: Feel free to share this post on FB or reblog it on WordPress using the appropriate buttons for personal and noncommercial use. If you represent an organization, institution and/or seek to use this work for any purpose, please contact me in advance. If using this material for your own written work, please cite as appropriate. Thank you.

RADICAL, AUTHENTIC SELF-EMBODIMENT: Lessons from the Finger of Fate (Yod) involving Mars, North Node, Jupiter and Vesta-conjunct-Eris

Authenticity. Truth. Awareness. Being. These are our contemporary spiritual buzzwords – and for good reason – as that same message beams to us from the skies, coded in astrological alignments.

A few days ago, we saw the mighty Eris-Vesta conjunction, one that dared us to break through the many layers and forms of social conditioning that told us that we should never be our truest selves. This is especially true for women and for men who recognize their connection with a Deeper sense of Femininity. Be it the nurturer, the assertive seeker of justice, the avenging Goddess, the compassionate Mother – whatever you resonate with. What has been hidden or suppressed is now ready to be revealed and fully embodied.

Eris is the Goddess of Chaos, whereas Vesta is the Goddess of the Hearth or Sacred Flame. In Aries, they both encourage us to express and experience different forms and levels of Be-ing, Using the metaphor of flame, one represents the raging forest fire, and the other, the steady lamp that lights the home and hearth. Both are necessary, both are valid, both are aspects of Being. (and everything else in between)

In short, the Eris-Vesta conjunction is a powerful call to radical self-embodiment, where we are no longer constrained by these societal ´rules´ that tell us how to Be, and forms of Femininty we must or must not express.

Both Eris and Vesta are a part of a powerful Yod (Finger of Fate). They form its apex, connected by way of inconjuncts (150 degree angles) to Mars, the North Node and Jupiter. Essentially, Yods are powerful funnels of karmic energy and alchemy. They push you to make certain key choices and karmic decisions, accelerating and intensifying your spiritual growth process to a powerful degree. They can be profound catalysts of life-changing decisions, precusors to spiritual awakening.

The experience of a Yod can be harsh, particularly if you resist the changes it pushes you to make at a deep, sub-conscious level. Yods can be quite fun and energizing if you view them as opportunities to step out of old cycles and consciously choose your process of energetic engagement with the Cosmos. At the end of the day, it boils down to a matter of perspective. 

This particular Yod began on February 8 and will continue to have effect till February 24, 2016. Let´s look at the other components of this alignment:

Mars´ role at 24 Scorpio tells us that the way to develop and discover this Radical sense of Selfhood is through the domain of the sub-conscious, and the ancestral or karmic lineage that we bear. We look to the energy and assertiveness of Mars in recogizing karmic patterns that relate to the way we seek intimacy, control, power and resources (financial, sexual and otherwise). Much of this ties in with the way we have been taught to relate to the Masculine (Yang) Archetype, be in through self-expression and/or projection unto our partners. Mars in Scorpio can seek power through conquest, manipulation, violence and other forms of control – this is when it operates through the Ego. At a more realized level, Mars in Scorpio can seek true power through the act of Surrender. Not necessarily to another, but as an act of honoring the Depth of the Self, and its connection with the Sacred. Much of this energy will focus upon lower-chakra work, our archetypal connection with the Shadow Domain and the Underworld and/or the Sub-Conscious. Scorpio´s energies relate to alchemy and the reactivity of energies or elements, be it in the boardroom or the bedroom. The merger of resources catalyzes the creation of something new, often through the destruction (and transmutation) of its component parts.

The North Node and Jupiter (20-22 Virgo) demonstrate how our path to greatest growth, spiritual evolution and personal expansion is linked with the need to preserve and nurture the material requirements of the self (before being able to serve others). Be it through the act of facilitation, organization, logistical management, or the need to take care of the ´little things´, i.e. the nuts and bolts of daily existence – Virgo tells us that through the seemingly mundane, we discover new ways to materially and physically sustain whatever newer forms of power/intimacy (Scorpio) and being (Aries) we seek to explore and embody. It is especially important to recognize the need to take care of the well-being of the physical vessel through daily routines, ritual-work and other material acts – so that it can truly serve. Whether it´s 5 minutes of deep breathing, chanting, earthing, or a bi-weekly salt soak for the feet, or making sure that you´ve got a roof over your head and healthy food to eat – whatever way, no matter how ´trivial´ it may seem as compare to the the ´larger questions´, this is where Jupiter (the Teacher, Revealer of the Path Ahead) and the North Node (A Chance to Break out of Old Karmic Cycles and Begin New Lessons) tell us to focus upon at this time. Bear in Mind that Chiron (18 Pisces) opposes Jupiter and the North Node, pressuring us to more fully look at the archetype of the ´wounded healer´ and the role that the ´wound´ has played in our understanding of Service thus far. Perhaps it need not play the same role as it had before.

This is linked with a far larger question on woundology, and how we have been taught that association with our wounds is somehow elevated, more spiritual and/or saintly. I´ve discussed this elsewhere, but here´s the argument in a nutshell.

For too long have spiritualists and facilitators been told that they must live from hand-to-mouth or suffer physical depravation and/or to pedestalize suffering and woundedness in order to truly be ´holy´. Perhaps that was the marker of sainthood in an earlier age, but it seems me that the ethos of the current age is decidedly different. That is not to say that true acts of surrender and sacrifice are not sacred, it is to say that there are other roads or paths to spirituality. We need not be confined to one.

Returning to the North Node and Jupiter in Virgo, following from this logic, we are asked to explore the idea of taking care of, or preserving the self first so it can be self-sufficient. We are shamed into avoiding this as it would (allegedly) make us ´selfish´. I find that a strange argument as a healer who has him/herself taken the time to heal, get grounded and perhaps even find happiness – is more likely going to be able to better help another through the process. In this sense, self-preservation, starting at the most everyday level, can only empower you further as a faciliator.

Taking it all together, this Yod enables us to penetrate through old-paradigm dogma, and to discover and experience a more fuller sense of Being. That doesn´t have to be all rage, anger and roaring fire at the status quo, it can just as well break through into a more compassionate heart-space where Radical Self-Embodiment is Radical Self-Acceptance. There are many ways this can play out, so feel free to explore what works for you.

I should also mention that the likelihood of seeing a health crisis emerge or erupt as the catalyst to awakening is also present. Scorpio rules healing and Virgo health – they both focus on Aries (the Self). Give your bodies time to adjust to the awakening process underway and feel free to take plenty of rest (you´ll be processing in your sleep anyway).

In conclusion, I would like to share something from an Eris Awakens session that just concluded. What I witnessed was so beautiful, fragile and powerful that it will forever stay with me. The lady I was working with experienced a beautiful breakthrough, an absolute moment of clarity that visibly showed on her face. From a place of deep anger, she moved into a far calmer heart-space, forsaking none of Her Fierce Femininty, but becoming far more open to embrace a more fuller expression of All-That-(She)-Is. It was quite a beautiful thing to witness, and it´s still sinking in.

What a powerful time we live in.

Blessings, and I hope this article has served as a guide to understanding the powerful energies of this Yod.

May we each find our own paths to Radical Self-Embodiment, in ways that harm none and create greater beauty, in Self and the Collective.

Bairavee Balasubramaniam
The Sky Priestess

Image: Composite of Astrolog screenshot and ´The Priestess´ by Louise Welden Hawkins, 1890, Public Domain via Wikimedia Commons.

Post © Bairavee Balasubramaniam, 2016. All rights reserved.

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Wounded Healer, Wounded Teacher: Questions for Self-Reflection

All of us bear wounds of some kind – be it a sense of pervasive unworthiness, a lack of self-esteem, disconnection, abuse, trauma, etc. Some choose to suppress these wounds and the experiences that shape then – and carry on life as usual, others choose to acknowledge it, and seek healing. Some throw themselves into a committed path of healing, seeking to master the wound with knowledge of techniques that they then teach others. The majority of spiritual workers, teachers and trainers fall into that category.

All of these paths are equally valid, neither is more elevated than the other – except that the path of not-doing-anything-about-it, has a different set of karmic consequences.

And whilst the wounded healer archetype is one that we have come to accept as part our spiritual discourse, and our understanding of those who come to service … we need to spend a little more time thinking about just what that entails.

Everyone brings their perspective onto what they teach – that includes their joys, their strengths, their weaknesses – and yes, their wounds. And as we mature into our roles as facilitators (those of you who are on this path) – one of the big lessons is to acknowledge how we work with our own wounds first.

It’s a fairly important thing to do for a wide range of reasons – to be true to ty self – to ensure the lack of energetic spillover – to be able to provide your clients with the best possible service. Shamanic practitioners, or those who delve into another person’s energy field directly, have a greater reason to take this to heart.

Here’s a metaphor that might help, albeit a little bloody:

Imagine you’ve got a cut in your arm, and that the wound is still bleeding. For some, it’s a trickle, for others, it’s an arterial spray.

You see someone with a similar wound, something you think you can help fix. You’ve learnt how, and go in with your needle and thread. But you’re still bleeding.

It ain’t a pretty picture, but, at an energetic level, that is what tends to happen. Scary, I know…

It would be best to let yourself heal first, allow the stitches to hold together your own wounds, then have them removed. Once those initial stages of healing are done, then, my friends, you’d be in a much better place to work with others.

And no, that’s not selfish. That’s not turning a blind eye to another person’s suffering.

By working on you first, you’re actually practicing self-compassion. You’re allowing yourself to emerge as a kind of healer/teacher/practitioner that is safe for your clients to work with.

Questions to ask yourselves:

Do your wounds come out in the facilitations that you do? Energetically, verbally, etc.?

How do they shape the kind of facilitator that you’ve become?

Do you hide your wounds as part of our public persona? That’s not the same as baring your soul to everyone, but do you pretend they never existed?

Do you acknowledge your wounds as part of your story – at an intellectual, but not at an emotional level?

Do you believe that having a title, a piece of paper-based certification or a following is enough proof that ‘you’re done’ with those wounds?

Do you mask those wounds, vulnerabilities and experiences because you’d like to seem more ‘integrated’, able to be a better facilitator? How so?

Do you seek to heal your clients as a proxy to healing yourself? (It just doesn’t work that way, my friends … )

At the end of the day, irrespective of the roles, titles, degrees and training that we may have, we’re all facilitating one another, just by virtue of being. The onus is on us to be critically self-reflective when we do so with greater public presence and when we seek to be seen in a certain way by others.

Whilst these are unpopular questions, they are necessary ones. It helps to be able to see your reflection in the mirror of another whom you trust, one who can give you honest feedback.

Bairavee Balasubramaniam

Image: Japanese model figures; doctor and patient Wellcome L0004642.jpg – See page for author [CC BY 4.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0)], via Wikimedia Commons
Post © Bairavee Balasubramaniam, 2015. All rights reserved